Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years?

A question asked many times to us in school or as young adults is “Where do you see yourself in the next five years? Where I saw myself five years ago is drastically different than where I landed.

Five years ago my truths came to light. I was arrest for a DUI and my marriage was suffering. One thing I was always proud of was being a mother, but somehow I was failing at everything else, the DUI indirectly made me feel like I was failing at being a mother. However, the DUI became a GREAT wakeup call. Where it is one can feel sorry for themselves or learn from their mistakes and use that to move forward and live your best life. After the DUI it made me think how I could have served 45 days in jail without my daughter, without good food, without the freedom to just choose what I will do everyday. The freedom to go to a store and get what I need. My family taken away from an impulsive, irresponsible decision.

Being in a place where you have lost control of what happens; my control was in the hands of the court, not knowing what will happen for months of waiting and continued court dates, it was one the most stressful experiences of my life. But I am a firm believer in THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON.

In my life I have had the urge to always feel in control of things, my space, those around me (I can be bossy), my things. It just makes me feel secure to know what is coming up. But this hit me hard. However, that sense of control also gave me the determination to take into action things I could control. I clean because it gives me that control over the feel of my environment, I make lists so I know exactly what I need to do, I have multiple calendars so I know what is coming up. In this situation with the DUI I did all the programs, counseling, groups, volunteer work, all before the judge had assigned it to me. Doing these things gave me a bit of control back. If I do all these things, without the judge even having to sentence me, I can show him how I am taking steps to improve my situation. Thankfully the things I had already accomplished before this situation would also be a positive addition to my character, I NEEDED to do more.

After I was placed on supervision (which a lot of first time offenders are), I took the time to really think about my life. I was tired of being in a marriage where I felt alone and I was the only one fighting for it. I was tired of working a job where I did not feel fulfilled and gave me so much anxiety. To this day I am still fighting the feeling of fear or that something is wrong when nothing has even happened. It’s like my body is in fight or flight mode constantly for no reason and the feelings in my body and mind come randomly.

Things had to change. I told my husband at the time that I wanted a seperation. He didn’t fight me on it and so I decide to go all the way with the divorce. I ended up qu